Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Price of Fame

This is going to be a serious post.
This month I have received a portentous signs of my impending fame (cough): I've received anonymous nasty comments. I mean, aside from the offers of viagra (thank you, will consider it once I have grown the appropriate appendage) and referrals to porn sites (can barely control my boobess, don't want to watch someone else wrestling with theirs, thank you kindly), I also receive comments from an anonymous user who signs off as Jane or Jane Doe or Janie D. Aside from having a bit of a personality crisis, she also likes to vent her spleen at the world in the form of trying-to-be-sarcastic-but-not-quite-getting-there comments. I am quite entranced that someone somewhere has the energy to send me half-a-dozen nasty little comments that serve no real purpose. Constructive comments, yes please, but things like "really ugly" doesn't help me make the world a prettier place till I see what you understand by "really pretty" (and it you link to Botticelli's Venus, I can only warn you now: I can't crochet that. He wins.)

The fact that I don't publish these comments is mostly because I reserve them for my own private mirth (sorry, I mean, I weep into my cornflakes when I get them.) I am always very touched that anyone would make the effort to make a nice comment; likewise, I am bewildered that someone would make the effort to leave a nasty one. I mean - you have to, like, log on. And type it. And it never gets published. You could just click the website away, but instead, you torture yourself reading all the posts and picking out ones to comment on. This is a stupendous amount of effort to no significant end. It must be kind of disheartening after a while.

That's why the latest message upped the ante - my troll decided that I obviously can't speak English, so made a special effort to go into Google Translate and butcher the German language instead:
So bohrend. Hässliche Häkelarbeit auch. 
So oil-drilling. Ugly crochet too.
Now, the second bit I can forgive. Beauty's in the eye of the beholder etc. But I was fascinated by the idea that the adjective chosen by this succinct anonymous poster is drilling. My blog is drilling. Take that, Yarn Harlot. I bet your blog's not drilling!

I was about to grab the phone and announce to various friends that my blog has been compared with an oil platform, when it occured to my that it was, in all likelihood, the result of the poster's inability to use a bilingual online dictionary, as the verb 'to bore' in English has more than one meaning.

In any case, all of this didn't help when I misdirected my wrath at another anonymous poster using a similar name (probably even her own, I bet). Janey logged on to read about crochet and got a brief tongue-lashing instead. Obviously, a tongue-lashing is only effective if directed at the right person. I think it would be nicer to apologise to Janey in private but I can't: I have to say I'm very, very sorry in public. As you correctly guessed, it was not for you and you unfortunately just happened to have the same name and anonymous profile. Even if it sounds flippant, I am very contrite and dearly wish I could have vented my pithy spleen at a person who deserved it instead of an innocent and undeserving bystander. If you wish to change to attic24's blog, please do. She photographs tulips and ladybirds and squees at baby toes. I don't think she scolds her readers.

So come back Jane/Jane Doe/Janie D: I need you to bring me back down to earth and tell me how rubbish my blog is. For a while there, I was feeling kind of good about myself. I've obviously got too big for my boots. Come on back - all is forgiven!


Gracey is not my name.... said...

HYSTERICAL!!!!!!! and my word verification is whhings...

isn't there a British saying about whinging?

and your anon blogger has to do the word verification thing - another step!

Paul & Carla said...

Oh, my. Been a rough couple of days for you, has it? If it makes you feel better, know that I, too, don't understand the invective spewed about the universe called Earth lately. Do you suppose it is just a game, a kind of one-upmanship contest between a few Nasties? "See if you can top what I put on her blog!" — That kind of thing?

Poor dear. Have a cuppa hot tea and a nap. I promise not to write ugliness in my comments... and I hope you feel better soon.

Scrabblequeen said...

You know, I feel I must be failing as a blogger as no one, annonymous or otherwise, bothers to write in to trash my blog! Talk about boring...they skip me entirely. I love you attitude about "Jane" and her ilk. Go You!

Kyrie said...

My first time here, but you had me laughing such that my family had to look at me to see that I wasn't actually as hysterical as I sounded. You made my day!

Susie said...

Ha! Es war ich! Sie sind ein Dummkopf und ich mochte Currywurst haben bitte.

(Joking! and that is the best I can do with GCSE german. My course was mostly sausage-based so sadly I would have to get a sausage in there even if I was randomly insulting people on the internet to pad it out a bit. I accept that it might dilute the effect of my furious vitriol a bit. I can say Mit Senf Bitte! as well).

Chin up duck ;-) x

Anonymous said...

I say publish and be damned, mainly because I'm curious.
I have to say I'm perplexed though, because if she finds your blog boring, why does she read it? And even if someone didn't like crocheted things, I can't see how anything you've posted here could be called "ugly". It all smacks of jealousy, but I've never met a real crafter who would be anything more than envious of another's work. Certainly not jealous enough to be spiteful.
Most odd.
You have to hope that she soon finds something that makes her happy enough to leave you alone, really.

Anonymous said...

Wow what a jerk XD I hope you get to scold the right Jane. I got my first spam comment today.. Something about a cleaning service XD

Shawnee's Girl said...

During a long day of running around after my toddler "No, No, honey, leave the toilet plunger in the bathroom!" I enjoy being able to laugh with your blog posts. Don't bother with the haters, they are just putting their insecurities on you. Keep doing what makes you happy and thanks for the laughs!

Voie de Vie said...

Glad to see your fame growing and spreading.

Seriously, I've not had any overtly hateful comments, but sometimes I don't think people hear how negative they really are. Or maybe they do. :)

cshell said...

Some muggles can't leave well enough alone. Bob forbid they keep their nasty comments to themselves.

Marushka C. said...

Surely there are better things to do, even in the smallest of lives, than leave hurtful comments on someone's blog? On the other hand, perhaps you can start using the term "oil drilling" as a new slang phrase for boring, i.e. tedious, and make it popular everywhere on the interwebs? Or just keep doing what you're doing -- being smart, funny, and creative -- and sharing it.

K Rose said...

I just linked your blog to my Mom because I think you are so hilarious AND have great ideas for us crafters. Reading your blog entry about the nasty comments from someone who actually took the TIME to log on AND say you were boring in bad German is ludicrous to say the least! Keep on blogging! We love you! And ignore the weirdos. There is an anonymity to the web that really can bring out the worst in people. If she really thought you were boring then why does she keep LOGGING ON?! Keep up the good work. There are a lot of fans out here!

Unknown said...

Hello. I've only read your blog a couple of times, because for some reason it has been added to my favorites menu. I must say though that I always get a smile from what ever you have shared. And I love the projects that you share. I'm only a newby at crochet, but I love it and it's nice to see other peoples work. I loved your little blog about mermaid bumfluff. Unfortunately it seems to be a popular source here in Oz also.
Any way thank you. I know I'm only a little tiny ant on this great planet of ours. But I get a great lot of enjoyment reading your blogs.

Snowcatcher said...

This was such a classic post! I've enjoyed poking around; you have such great color sense. But this post, man, you had me in tears I was laughing so hard! (not because someone is being rude to you, though...)