Friday, October 5, 2012

Eight Bags O' Sugar

A card my sister made for me. And spookily
accurate, to boot. Except for the shoes - I
couldn't get my swollen feet into those.

You've probably noted the silence on my part and thought, "Oh, the Gingerbread Lady must be enjoying the delights of her newborn!" - cue Hallmark-esque visions of me snuggling a tiny infant wrapped in a carefully crocheted baby blanket, enveloped in the hirsute arms of my loving husband.

Not at all. Baby Gingerbread is quite happy inside, it would seem. He's in no hurry to exit the premises whatsoever - his due date has come and gone and he, if anything, is just getting comfortable. This has left me in a kind of limbo: I can't wander too far from home, just in case something happens. I can't make an awful lot of plans for the near future, because something will happen. So I've turned into a kind of crafting hermit. My biggest challenge this week has been to make a similar blanket to one I've done already - similar, but different, because the recipients are twins. In my other life (the one where I'm more organised), I would neatly record all the yarn I use for a particular project - and I try, I do, honest - but the original blanket was a scrapghan and when I tried to recreate it, I discovered that a couple of the yarns had been discontinued and one or two more were of unknown origin. So the second blanket is ... similar. But quite different.
As I planned all along.
(Shhh. That's what we're going to say.)

Expelling one would be a challenge - but eight!Eight!

I was getting a bit miffed about still being pregnant, mostly because my rotundity is the talk of the neighbourhood (all of our neighbours are senior citizens; this is exciting stuff). Whenever I leave the house, I am subject to a barrage of tired witticisms ("Don't worry - no baby's remained in there permanently yet!") or advice ("Have you tried eating a curry?" Yes, daily. Or: "I've heard a bit of wink-wink with the husband gets things going!" A very disturbing thing to hear from a geriatric neighbour with a zimmerframe) or plain old despair ("Oh no! Don't tell me you're still here!" Yes, I am. Thanks a million - now I know how Typhoid Mary felt.) But then something changed. A doctor at the maternity clinic told my husband and me that baby's estimated weight was 3.4 kg (8lbs 4oz, if you'd like it imperial.) Mr Gingerbread gasped aloud - gasped! - and clapped his hand over his mouth.
"An 8lb baby isn't that big!" I chided him. "That's in the normal range!"
The doctor confirmed it. Babies are sometimes 9lbs. Or 10lbs. Or more.
Husband sat down on the nearest chair.

But I didn't quite get what had bothered him - till we got home. Then we made a pyramid of foodstuffs on the kitchen counter - coffee, flour, sugar, oatflakes - and I realised that I have something as big as EIGHT BAGS OF SUGAR INSIDE ME! This was the point when I decided that I was going to cross my legs quite firmly and implore Baby Gingerbread to stay put. Like, forever. I've gotten used to him in there, and he's clearly quite happy. It sounds like an ideal solution for everyone.



Liz said...

Oooh - you make me laugh. But I must say the label on the suger bag made me blink! Move only two letters and WOW.!! Fingers crossed for you.


Anne said...

Yes, I kept coming back to check on you and to see if Baby Gingerbread came by yet. When I started reading I thought, oh good, thats where she went, then ..... well, nice to hear that you are still sort of comfortable and able to apply that energy to what you like to do. Yes, I agree 8 lbs is definitely a normal size and up to 10 nowadays. So take care and all the best!! :)

Ev said...

8 lbs 4 oz? For your first? Nice weight! My first was 8 lbs 14 oz. and he was born within 2 hours. You don't want to hear about all our birth stories. Your little one will be born when he's ready and no sooner. I wish you a smooth, easy birth and I wish the two of you all the joy an new life will bring.

nordwolke said...

Ideal solution, indeed!

Chrissy said...

Personally I think Mr Gingerbread should have kept his mouth shut as you could have done without the visual representation of your baby as sugar!

Chain Stitch Crochet said...

I have a friend who is 41 weeks today. They are wondering when the little one will make it's debut too. Like I told them, babies have 'their' time and don't care about your time. He'll come when he's ready. :o)

This post made me smile. I needed that today. Tomorrow I have to put down my dog and I'm having a very tough time of it. Shhh, don't tell anyone, I have a post ready for tomorrow after he's gone. When one door opens another one opens. That is what I keep telling myself.

Hope baby Gingerbread decides soon to make his appearance for his birth day. You do know that they keep growing the longer they are in there right?

Silka said...

I can totally relate to what is happening to you. When pregnant with my first child, her duedate was December 20th, well, she decided to keep us waiting for, New Year's, but January 6th at 1:00 pm. I tried everything mentioned in your post! without results, she came when she wanted to. I should have guess how strongwill she will be at that moment. As her granpa says, she takes her time and does thing her way....

Emily said...

So glad to hear he his here at last! And all those organised days will be "but a pleasant memory"!!! Lots of love to you three XXXXX

The Foggy Knitter said...

The only comfort I can possibly offer is that babies have fewer corners than a full bag of sugar.

Susan said...

I feel for you, my daughter recently had to suffer all those comments. Luckily her baby was on time, I think she would have been throwing a few punches if she had to listen to another week of comments from neighbours. I assured her none of those old wives tales work, I tried them all when I was pregnant with her!! Looking forward to hearing your good news when Baby Gingerbread is ready to greet the outside world.

Jay said...

Hope the bags of sugar pop out very soon! I was repeatedly told my babies were smaller than average and my smallest was (9lb 1oz! Don't believe everything the doctors/midwives tell you!

Sandra said...

My 1st baby, many years, go wasn't it any hurry to come out either. :o)
My mother kept saying...What goes in, comes out. LOL

She was right. :o)

Love your blog and humor.
Keeping you in my thoughts.

Cathy said...

Hate to tell you but it is a tad late to back out of the whole giving birth thing now! Funny how my 8lb2oz baby also was quite happy where he was, and was forced out 2 weeks late...and NOTHING works to get them out if they dont want to come! BUT my 9lb baby was the easiest birth ever. Good luck when the day finally arrives xx

Micki Stuart said...

Oh I'm sorry baby Gingerbread hasn't made an appearance yet, you must be absolutely knackered! And don't worry 8lb isn't too bad to push out :) x

Erica said...

Did your little guy decide to make his debut? I hope everyone is happy and healthy!