Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Pregnancy

Pregnancy.
It's a bit like stopping a car to pick up a hitchhiker. At first, he's pleasant company, making chitchat and smiling politely at your witty remarks. As time goes by, the hitchhiker gets a bit demanding - he wants to change the radio channel and turn on the air-conditioning. At some point, he just becomes stroppy and starts bossing you around in your own car, insisting that you stop for breaks or making you take detours or change routes. Finally, you realise that you're basically just the chauffeur and the hitchiker has completely taken over. You're the driver but the passenger's the boss.
This is what it's like to be eight months pregnant.

My hitchhiker doesn't like it when it's quiet: he likes a bit of action and steady movement. I have to jiggle my legs constantly to create a rocking motion: as soon as I stop, I get punched and kicked. As the hitchhiker has not yet grasped the concept of night and day, he spends most of the night punching me awake. And woe betide me if I roll over into a position that he doesn't like: I'll get a kick in the ribs to remind me that my comfort is secondary and don't forget it. The hitchhiker also likes walks: lots of movement and fresh air - except that it's at least 30°C (86°F), which is about ten degrees warmer than any pregnant woman would like, so my walks are short and shady. When I sit down to admire the trees in the park and give my feet a rest, I get a few kicks of protest to remind me that it's not all about me and five minutes' rest are long enough: get your pregnant bottom moving again, woman!

Well, at least I know my place in this relationship.

This week, my husband and I assembled the baby's crib - which means that I fetched my toolbox (an empty ice-cream carton with my 99c screwdriver and one of those wrench-thingies that come with IKEA furniture) and my husband fetched his (three-tier toolbox with multiples of everything, its crowning glory the Black and Decker electric screwdriver.) It was quickly decided (by him) that I should leave my toolbox-slash-ice cream carton closed and hold up the instruction sheet instead. I did so - and very well, if I must say so myself. We decked the cot out in the enclosed draperies, but it looks like a vat of custard exploded inside it. Besides, I'm not sure about the health benefits of swathes of material and netting around an infant, so we'll strip it once it has served its purpose as a photographic prop:


This one was made to use up odd skeins of yarn. I'm still working on my daisy afghan but needed a change from white and yellow - so I grabbed all the bits and pieces that I had, and started making a random collection of squares. Now all I need is a recipient!

14 comments:

Elisabetta said...

I so love your colourful blankets, I really have to make one, sooner or later! Best wishes for your pregnancy, it's always fun and sweet to read your posts! :-)

wdmk said...

You are hilarious, and oddly enough, this is exactly how I feel and I am only 7 months along. Although this is my second I completely understand and sympathize with you. Hang in there you are almost done!

love2stitch said...

ME, pls.

Just joking - but I love your blankets.

Your post is hilarious - friend of mine kind of confided in me that she is so over being pregnant in the heat waves and felt she could tell me only as all her other family/friends would feel like she is a weird person for not liking being pregnant. She's an amazing mom already but I love that she is also honest that sometimes she loves to have her quiet time and wants to swap places with me for a long weekend ha-ha.

Gracey is not my name.... said...

The blanket is beautiful! And I've never heard pregnancy described like that! But it makes sense...

creations.1 said...

I am sure a recipient will come to mind eventually!!!lol. It is a beautiful blanket and has inspired me to start one also.... seeing as i am having a sorting spree through all of my yarns it is the perfect opportunity to put selected yarns into a separate basket... ready to start...one day soon i am sure...I do mean the soon!!!

Annie @ knitsofacto said...

I think the trick may be not to stop the car in the first place ... not that I've taken my own advice, I've let the passenger call the shots four times now.

Good luck x

Sue said...

Ha ha I know how you feel, one of my hitchikers spent the last three months with his foot crushing my bladder which meant I was constantly needing to pee, especially when I laid flat!!!! LOL. Your blanket is gorgeous, do I sense alot of creative energy! x

Doris said...

Das sieht ja sehr hübsch aus und diese Decke ist wirklich wundervoll.
Übrigens: ein Gymnastikball kann dir gute Dienste leisten bei deinem kleinen Bewegungsproblem, sowohl in der Schwangerschaft und dann auch wenn das Baby da ist. Ich hab immer viel Zeit auf dem Ball verbracht, weil ich eben nicht immer herumlaufen wollte.
Liebe Grüße und noch eine schöne Zeit.
Doris

Anna said...

I thought this lovely afghan is for your Little Hitchhiker! The colours are beautiful and it looks just amazing!For my girl i made only one baby blanket and now I'm working on one for my brother's baby. I love your afghans but I think putting all the parts together could kill me... :))) So I only watch :)

Good luck with your pregnancy!
Anna (Apak)

Anna said...

I thought this lovely afghan is for your Little Hitchhiker! The colours are beautiful and it looks just amazing!For my girl i made only one baby blanket and now I'm working on one for my brother's baby. I love your afghans but I think putting all the parts together could kill me... :))) So I only watch :)

Good luck with your pregnancy!
Anna (Apak)

patrysia said...

Mild stomach punching is likely to be remembered fondly when he/she gets his/her driver's license in 16 years (or whatever the driving age is in Germany). May it be an on-time and swift delivery. None of the two-weeks late nonsense my sister's two kids decided by which to extend their womb vacations. That was yesterday, it seems like; yet one will be 22 in a few weeks (Aug. 30, around your due date, I think).

Babies--they age us!

Paul & Carla said...

My mother declared that I kicked her down onto the sidewalk once, before my illustrious entry into the sunlight. She decided she was having a small goat instead of a child.

Janelle said...

I love this one - REALLY pretty odds & ends.

crymson said...

Love the blanket and the hitchhiker analogy. It's Perfect!