Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I Hath Knitteth!

As regular readers may know, socks have long been my personal challenge. Why I'm so obsessed with knitting socks is beyond me: I think it might have to do with my deep-rooted suspicion that, in order to fully assimilate with my German habitat and finally become a good Bavarian Hausfrau, I should be able to knit a sock - and knit a sock on double-pointed needles (I know you can knit them on circular needles, but I want the hard-core sock-knitting experience, because that's how I roll, crochet-hookers.) But thus far, it has been beyond my abilities. Like all bad work(wo)men, I readily blamed my tools:


Ode to my DPNs
I hate you so much & I just have to share,
I know that you’re mocking me and really don’t care.
I’m beginning to see you as the essence of evil:
My personal Everest is a double-pointed needle.
The ones not in use have a mind of their own
And will stab or attack me, given a second alone.
My fingers are sore, work twisted and grubby,
And the blue cloud of cussing has scared off my hubby.
You’re psychological torture in crafting disguise
I’m sure you’ve been used to break KGB spies.
It’s taken me an hour to accomplish three rows,
With each knitted stitch my hatred just grows.
I hate you, I hate you! - that had to be said,
And if I didn’t say it, I’d break you instead.
So I give up: you win. What more can I say?
I’m going back to my hook and my comforting crochet.


However, I am pleased to announce that the pregnancy hormones have finally been good for something: I have mastered double-pointed needles (seriously, if I can't get a handle on them, how I am supposed to keep a hold on a wriggly newborn? No messing about any more) and I have knit not one, but two socks, using a boomerang (yo-yo) heel method. This method is wonderful - it has been described as a "miracle of German engineering" and while I'm not sure whether it really is German, I'm willing to ascribe this wonder to my adopted homeland. Vorsprung durch Technik, how are you?

Anyway, I feel this should be announced in Ye Olde English to underline its gravitas:
I doth hath knitteth a socketh!
(okay, I got a bit carried away there, but there's nothing like a splattering of 'th' and superfluous auxiliary verbs to fake Ye Oldinesse.)
Beholdeth!

Socketh

7 comments:

Erica said...

This post had me laughing SO HARD. I completely agree with your disdain of DPN's and now I don't feel like such a failure of a crafter for hating them!! I have tried socks and they terrify me. No human can use that many DPN's at once and make something pretty, I'm convinced. However, your socks are beautiful! You should be proud.

Paula said...

These are adorable.

Ruth said...

Verily, forsooth! Thy socketh are lovely-eth. Next try working with 2 circular needles; your socks will move very quickly and you won't lose those dratted dpns.

omlair said...

and there was much rejoicing!

I bought myself some dpns thinking no prob, but had a tandtrum after 5 mins. Maybe I'll wait till I'm preggo.

Donna Lee said...

Socks were what I learned to knit (when I learned to knit). I had no clue dpns were supposed to be tricky. I just made a pair of socks out of self striping yarn and was so proud, you'd have thought I'd invented them.

I have never heard of yo yo heels. It looks the same as a short row heel. Now I have to go and look it up.
Your socks are beautiful and the Murkel will love them.

Paul & Carla said...

I'll try again to comment but getting past your virtually unreadable words I have to type to prove I'm not a robot is reeeeally hard sometimes...

I love your darling little socks. And yes, knitting tiny things on DPNs is a lot like wrestling a porcupine. But then look at the adorable socks you got from it! Your little one will have toasty toes.

Anne said...

Yay for you on your sockeths!! I too have done knitted socks with dpns, but I am now in the process of making my second pair of crocheted socks, with a self striping yarn. And they look rather good. Hope you get to knit the other two to match the ones you completed!! :)