Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Scotland, for the brave


Hello, readers!
Or: Och aye the noo!
which is what non-Scottish people presume Scottish people say all the time, the same way all Irish people like to wear green breeches and holler "Top o' the mornin' to ye!" at unsuspecting strangers. As the latter is sadly not true (though my comely calves would look very fetching in a pair of breeches), I have to come to terms with the idea that no one in Scotland will be enquiring about my noo.

Yes, that's right - I'm off to Scotland for a week! You might remember hand-rubbing anticipation at the thought of being amongst my Celtic homies, - well, the time has come for me to pack my suitcase and usher forty young German adults on to a bus bound for Edinburgh. Being a teacher-slash-chaperone-slash-babysitter-slash-substitute-mother for a group of students is not my idea of a holiday, so don't envy me ... too much. My preparation for this trip has sadly been very limited: I've been working hard, so I've only managed to dip in and out of my guidebook. I did, however, finish Outlander (yes, we talked about this already). Thus, I must conclude that one of two things will happen in Scotland:

a) I will simply escort giddy teens around sights of historical interest, or,
b) based on my reading of Outlander, I will be transported back in time to the 18th century, where I shall meet, marry and instruct a handsome young Scot in the Art of Lurve. Awed by my amazing Kama Sutra skillz, he will fall desperately in love with me and we will discover we're soulmates.

I have, of course, informed my present soulmate about the possibility of his wife time-travelling and ending up in a bigamous marriage with a fellow Celt - he is strangely unmoved at the prospect. In addition, my stress at work has deterred me from actually studying any last-minute Kama Sutra moves, so my skill-level remains rather lacking. In fact, I find that the primary requirement for this kind of thing is a level of bendiness that I simply do not possess - I can't even touch my toes. Thus, I sincerely hope that my future Scottish husband-in-the-past isn't expecting me to put my ankles behind my ears in the bed-chamber. Or whatnot. My hips aren't able for that.

How did I get to this point?
Oh, yes - Scotland.
As you all know by now, Very Bad Things happen when I travel - I personally caused a volcanic eruption last April, severe blizzards at Christmas and a tsunami, earthquake and nuclear meltdown in March. Please brace yourselves. I reckon this time it might be an alien invasion.

15 comments:

mutantsupermodel said...

LOL I read Outlander not long after you'd mentioned it and couldn't stop imitating Scottish accents for ages. Have a fun time!! I'm going shopping for emergency supplies RIGHT NOW

Bri said...

Oh do I heart me some Jamie!!!!!!! I first read Outlander about 18 years ago (ack wow thats rather shocking when i wrote it down)I have all 7 books and have re-read them over and over so many times that I am constantly keeping an eye out in the used book stores for new copies to replace my poor battered ones.

Good luck on your trip (through the stones or not) :o)

Karen said...

I will start a novena for your travel, or our well being, as the case may be!
I have loved viewing your work - am looking forward to perusing some more!
God Bless and good travels
Karen

MissMary said...

You may find a deliciously kilted Scotsman for moi and send him my way... and I will practice yoga until then!

Gracey is not my name.... said...

Although I owned Outlander for awhile, I never did read it. I think it is in my garage...but I am finishing up A Borrowed Scot from Karen Ranney...But the main character is actually American...Have a great time on your trip! Or has much as you can.....

Ruth said...

So it was all your fault? ah ha. I'll stay clear of Europe for the next month or two.

Have fun. I hope you have help with the Kinder.

Voie de Vie said...

lol - will batteries help me when the aliens come?

iggystar said...

You never fail to tickle me silly. Coincidentally, I'm right in the middle of reading Outlander and now I can't think of Scotland without thinking of time-travel and all the various ways one can befoul the rolling green hillsides located there. I'm sure this book has been a boon to tourism, women looking for standing stones and such.

cshell said...

I think it only right you give us a little more notice when you go walkabout. An alien invasion sounds serious and may require extra planning on our part.

Happy travels for a change, please and thank you.

PandaBearofDoom said...

Scotland seems so pretty every time I seen pictures of it. I would love to go some day.

Anonymous said...

According to some religious group, the rapture and subsequent end of the world is this Saturday, so maybe your trip can kick-start that for them :)

Just a Girl said...

Oh my goodness, have FUN! I AM jealous, whether you're substitute-mothering or not! :D

I would die and go to heaven if I could visit Ireland and Scotland, most of my heritage is rooted between the two countries and I am so in love with that rich history! I hope you share pictures later on! :o)

~Just a Girl

mollybygolly1113 said...

Could someone please help me. I want to buy your pattern for the realta, it took 7 days for money to be put into the paypal account, and now I can't figure out how to order pattern. I want your pattern so bad. Guess I am not as computer literate as I thought. Thanks in advance.

Marushka C. said...

I can't wait to hear your reports on this trip. I will be sadly disillusioned if the Outlander series proves to be less than an accurate guide to the wonders of Scotland. Do be careful about standing stones, fairy rings, etc., just in case.

The Gingerbread Lady said...

Hello Mollybygolly!
Thank you for leaving a comment. The code for the button spontaneously corrupted itself while I was away - there is NO LOGICAL REASON why it should have stopped working, but it did :-) Everything seems to be up and running again. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, though - if you have any other problems, send me a comment with your email address (I won't publish it, just use it to contact you directly).